Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Don't Worry. If Onlty.

The past couple of days I have found it difficult to fit running into my schedule. It doesn't help that before 7 in the morning it is pitch black outside. How am I supposed to motivate myself to run when it is so dark and cold when my alarm goes off?

I feel the difference though. When I get to running several times a week then miss a week, it really is noticeable. My head feels heavier. I use my runs as a way to clear it, but now it is loaded down with thoughts and worries.

Someone told me recently to not worry so much. Do you guys ever hear that? I want to say right now that I need to never say that to anyone. Who is free from worry? How nice that must be. I tend to be a little anxious at every moment of the day. If I could control it I would. And I try to. I go for runs. I listen to music. I write. It doesn't make it go away. The worries are there. I just can quiet them down every now and again.

Don't worry so much.


Tell me how you don't worry about things. I can't just tell myself things will work out for the best and move on. I wish that worked. I've tried mediating. I've tried mantras. I've tried screaming into a pillow (not really, I can't bring myself to that for some reason). My head is always full of different problems. I want solutions. I want relief. How do other people free themselves of this?

Run. I want to run. At least it would help. Even just for an hour or so. A clear head. A relaxed mind.

I wish I worried less. I wish things didn't matter so much to me. They do though. I care too much. Not just about what people think, but about the future, about the past, about choices I've made or will make. Just go with the flow, I tell myself. Don't worry, other people tell me. How can I not worry when there is always so much at stake? Not to be super dramatic, but really. There is always something to lose. If I could not think about it, don't you think I would do that? If I could not worry, wouldn't I just not? Telling me not to doesn't help. Reassure me. Tell me HOW.

I need to run.

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